SEPTEMBER 17: FREAKY FRIDAY (LINDSAY LOHAN APPLICABLE)

Oh hey it's Tobias and I'm not gonna lie to you, I've had a little to drink. Will that make Shortland St more bearable? Probably not.

Last time on Shortland St Chris made out with RACHEL

Ula's still in love with Phoenix for god knows what reason (no personality begets no personality?) and it's really bumming her out. YEAH LOVE HURTS you know?

Uh something about privatisation and stuff has ruined the hospital and lovable babe magnet Rachel is going around apologising to various bros. And handing out supermarket vouchers. $100 worth! TOPS

Anyway Chris and Phoenix are chilling in their house, and Maxwell pops around to pick up Phoenix and take him to Ula's lovable waiting arms. This reminds me of my friend's French teacher in high school who was constantly trying to set him up with her daughter and it was real awkward



HEY YOU WANNA STICK IT TO MY DAUGHTER/HAVE A REFRESHING CUP OF COFFEE (there is only one suitable answer and it's no)

Anyway in the hospital Harry's doing some real sweet ball tricks:



which is the best part of this scene but then we have to deal with some garbage about how Isaac wants Tania back, babe. Oh also Tania's back on the show, but I think she might not be working at the hospital anymore? Looks like they got rid of Vasa, so the show doesn't have to face the grim reality that TANIA AND VASA LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME

Anyway Isaac makes a date to meet Tania later, but the "sad music" plays which implies to me that this is a bad thing? Jesus Shortland St your characters do one thing, but your music does another and my heart hurts

Isaac and Harry are chatting away and it's pretty much like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito

Maxwell's just dropping Phoenix off at the house, and so seriously that must have been one awkward car ride, right?

Anyway there's some sweet hip hop playing, and Maxwell's being pretty embarassing about it, yabbering about being "DOWN" and "COOL" and other real hip words and everyone else pretty much looks on in disgust:



Libby's shadow has loomed large over this episode so far BUT WHERE IS SHE? Instead we have weird Libby surrogate Brooke who's I guess is almost as good:



Anyway things then get real steamy in the staff room as Chris is all getting into Rachel's personal space bubble and being all "BABE LET'S HOOK UP" and she's all "BABE I DON'T WANNA" and he's all "I HAVE A GHASTLY GRIMACE"



Oh yeah there's also some bullshit about a missing wedding ring, but you don't really need to know about that because it resolves itself within about a minute

Now Maxwell is continuing his musical attempts to get Phoenix to stick it to his daughter. They're all singing and shit and really this is a total disgrace to everything that's ever happened in the world ever

Oh yeah also things are getting hot and heavy in the staffroom again, this time with Isaac and Tania and really I'd like to know what's going on in this hospital because seriously no staffroom i have ever been in has been this smouldering/steamy but probably would have been a made lot better with some BABEZZ

oh brother, now Maxwell's like shrieking and dancing and shit and everyone's getting involved. Also he asks his daugher to "move it, baby" UGGGHHHHH

YES THIS IS SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED ON NEW ZEALAND TELEVISION:



I always wonder in moments like that, what if someone has just come to the golden land of New Zealand, they get in from their war torn hell land and turn on TV and see this. probably then they'd be all "right that's it, genocide's probably better" because seriously look at this. National shame

Oh man things just got a whole lot cooler, I mean TK's back and he's seeing Tania and Isaac making out and he's all "BRO WHAT UP???" and she's all "NM JUST CHILLIN" and I guess we're meant to remember they were sort of gonna stick it to eachother at some point? That was like, months ago, Shortland Street. Don't overestimate your audience's intelligence

I feel nothing but remorse

OMG YOU GUYS!

http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=314505081
I can't put the link in properly!!!

WE COULD BE WALKING ON TO SHORTLAND STREET! I could bump into Wendy! I could ask Tania if she is REALLY related to Libby and the other one! (yes I know that they aren't REALLY real people) BUT STILL!

I could high five Callum and slap Bella! oh the possibilities are endless! Too bad I don't have $800+! Good thing probably, I might be put in the jail for interoggatting Yvonne till she cries or giving Brooke a long overdue haircut.

Monday and Tuesday: Too many Coopers not enough nookie

Last night I tried to blog about the Monday episode but stupid TVNZ on demand wouldn't work and so I was forced to do uni work until 2am instead. We made roast chicken last night and so the house smelt like Christmas and that was nice.

Since I couldn't watch it last night I am going to take my cues from the TVNZ synopsis: "Gerald is forced to go head to head with his competition, Bella sets her sights on Yvonne, and Brodie's heart is crushed". I am choosing to read this as "Gerald engages in a deatmatch with Libby, Bella molests Yvonne and Brodie's heart literally is crushed". Given the whole DISGUSTING Ben storyline we know that Yvonne is partial to cradle robbing (but not grave robbing) and her daughter Maia is gay. Now I am not saying that lesbianism is genetic here merely that she is open to "alternative" lifestyles. HOLD THE PRESS I have just managed to successfully upload last night's episode! But I can tell you, with A LOT of regret that this is NOT the route the Shortland Street team went down, to their detriment.

In short, Monday's episode consisted of:

Libby's return!



Good god. If I had been in America for god knows how long and I came back to this I would turn around and fly straight back.



Libby walks into a Brooke/Libby/Gerald love triangle. Brooke and Libby are fighting like adorable blonde scrappy kittens over Gerald's attention. He is some kind of asexual hag magnet. They want him to talk about workstations and shoulder pads.



Brooke does this



and this

Libby is back to steal the job Gerald is applying for "the executive assistant" position. SCANDAL! lots of bitchy comments and anger. Welcome back Libby!

And there is this shot




EWWW

Brodie wants to stick it HARD to Sophie. And how! But Sophie doesn't want to stick it to Brodie. This is his heart getting crushed I guess?



Who wouldn't have their heart crushed by this hottie? Also, the return of "advertisement" and suspiciously "Something about Mary" hair OH BRODIE!

If you have been missing the Cooper family don't worry (and please get help that is not normal) they are STILL there making gruesome faces and using their horrible voices



like mother like daughter



There are some HORRIFICALLY boring story lines with Bella and Yvonne which climax with Bella breaking a photocopier. GREAT STUFF WRITING TEAM.

Then this scene happens. The IV. Night. Interior. Maxwell, Luke Durville, Isaac party hard at the bar. Maximum lols due to repeated shots of this:



That is a stuffed dead possum hanging off his jacket. Something about a taxidermy club? I have no idea.



What?



Seriously, what?

And that was kind of all that happened on Monday night? Pretty weird and simultaneously boring. There was a Wendy/Bella scene on a park bench which went on for like 5 minutes. Also, I note there has been NO hot sex recently. I guess Shortland Street has bowed to the pressure of the "it's only 7pm! kids are up!" crowd. Screw that! The kids got here through sex and they aren't too precious to see Yvonne and Bella spooning.

Okay! So that was monday! I was going to do tonight too but I am kind of spent! Instead I will just show you the main points quickly so I can go watch "the secret lives of dancers".

Hunter tries to set up Bella and Brodie. Brodie texts like a bad person



Libby and Gerald go for their job interview results and SHOCK SHOCK neither of them get it! They both suck! Someone called Leo from Singapore got the job. SHAME GUYS

Meanwhile Bella and Brodie are "doing sumthn 2ny" together. Bella goes in to seduce Brodie with a big wet kiss and he does this



"ARGH! I HAVE A MIGRAINE!"

Over at the IV Libby reveals how she was fired from her old job in America because of visa problems "America dumped me!". Gerald is all "I am going to take your failed dream and live it! I am moving to America because I was born in Guam thus have no visa issues!"

Libby is all



"scheming"

Across the room Rachel and Chris flirt and its boring and gross. Stick it to her already Chris! Pin her up against a wall! Rachel! Run your hands all over his hairless (probably) chest! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

Now we are back at The Jefferies pad and Libby and Gerald arrive all giddy and happy. Libby sits on Geralds knee!

Like a ventriloquist puppet!




Anyway, guess what you guys! THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED AND MOVING TO AMERICA!

Mama Jeffries feels this way about it




Brooke is going to be SOOOOOO Mad! Also, Gerald, STOP BEING IN LOVELESS MARRIAGES! YOU ARE ASEXUAL AND THIS PROBABLY WON'T WORK. But most importantly, Brooke will be all jealous and shit!

SEPTEMBER 10: MY WINTER OF DISCONTENT

Oh hi it's Tobias, I haven't watched Shortland Street at all this week, but you know. Gonna take on the Friday episode regardless, probably I haven't missed a whole lot

From Kim Crossman (Sophie)'s Twitter: Oh man, how amazing are Chips and Dip!! 7:24 PM Sep 6th via mobile web

Yeah don't I know it.

So the recap is totally about Wendy's fucking boy-crazy daughter, who is annoying me already. Great.

There's some serious sexual tension between Isaac and some guy at the bar, who's all "sometimes I think I should have a night off? NAH."

Turns out that guy is boning Sophie or something? What's going on? This groping then happens:



Brody's not happy about it. I'm gonna guess he wants to stick it to Sophie.

Then Brooke walks in on Gerald and announces "I NEED A HANDBAG." It's pretty weird. Then she talks about privatised healthcare for like twenty minutes. I mean Brooke's pretty great and all



but I've gotta say, I liked her heaps more when she was like a sociopath and cared about murder and blackmailing her father and stuff

"Greasy pole," she inexplicably advises. "Get climbing"



WOO

Anyway that weird bartender serves Isaac up something called "diddly nightshade" and is brutally hitting on those lesbians. Not really into that guy a whole lot. Neither is Brody, who promptly fires him. Sophie then gets a bit grumpy about that, and Brody stares at her for an uncomfortably long time:



I'm serious, it lingers on that for about five seconds or so. Real unnerving vibes.

Anyway Wendy's daughter Bella comes in wearing what looks like the skin of a gorilla and annoys everyone with her incompetence ho ho ho

Gerald, I guess, is trying to get a better job?

For some godforsaken reason Sophie and Brody seem to be running the bar? Oh seriously what on earth is this. They're planning to host some kind of taxidermy club for creepy bald doctor. INTERESTING

Anyway Brooke has another scene



and I don't know why she looks like 50



I learnt she's about as old as I am. She's famous and stuff, while I'm bitching about a soap opera I don't watch on the internet. Pretty bad.

she does mention Libby though, which got my heart aflutter

It's like the writers of Shortland St read this blog and were all "oh hey I hate Tobias, let's effectively double the level of fucking Wendy in this show by giving her a daughter". Hopefully this whole thing will turn out to be some kind of feverish nightmare or something

So anyway, at this point in the show 18-year-old Sophie's been a journalist, some kind of ethics specialist, a bar manager, seductress, and now she's a cocktail maker? RENAISSANCE WOMAN:



Then god damned other Wendy busts in with some flower or some shit



and I seriously hate her she has crazy eyes



Then Yvonne breaks other Wendy's stupid annoying heart by insulting that flower in front of her GUHHHH

I guess Brody and Sophie are gonna stick it soon enough, they're getting drunk off homemade cocktails or something. It's pretty annoying. People trying to act drunk is basically the most sickening thing in the world

Meanwhile Callum, who may I remind you is the CEO OF THE HOSPITAL is really angry at Gerald for wanting to move up the job ladder. Good heavens

Sophie and Brody are real hammered, and Sophie undresses so she can go to bed. Which is weird, because it's revealed she has been wearing what is either a leotard or a one-piece swimsuit under her dress the entire time:



Which makes Brody pretty uncomfortable. Because he wants to stick it to her.

Gerald somehow got some kind of fucking automatic desk that goes up and down. Oh seriously Shortland Street, what the hell is this?

AND OH MAN THINGS TAKE A TURN FOR THE INCREDIBLE AT THE END when ALL STAR SHORTLAND ST MEGA BABE LIBBY APPEARS ON THE SCENE



LIFE FINALLY TAKES A TURN FOR THE BETTER

UH OH SHE'S GOING FOR GERALD'S JOB

OH LIBBY YOU ARE EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT OF MY HEART <3 U FOREVER BABE

8th September: "He has biceps like oranges"

Okay so in the last episode Isaac and Luke Durville are forced to go orienteering together so they can bond and stuff. I see this going wrong somehow.

Tracey and Scotty are snuggling up on the couch together discussing Scotty's poison. Tracey suggests that the "prussian blue" sounds like a fragrance. More like sounds like a white supremacist teen acoustic-folk rock duo who once described Adolf Hitler as "a great man with good ideas". I'm not sure about you but if I had to choose between prussian blue the deadly poison or prussian blue the band I would be volunteering for some delicious cyanide.

Tracey is all "oh if anything had happened to you...." and Scotty is like "it didn't". What do you mean it didn't? Something most definitely DID happen to you Scotty! You were systematically poisoned, almost set alight, kidnapped and shot!

Anyway, Tracey starts waxing lyrical about the joy and wonder of Scotty and how she wants to have his babies and he is all



Not the look of love.

Meanwhile, Isaac and Luke Durville are having a lovers spat regarding the stamping of the orienteering slip thing. Isaac strides off down a potentially steep unmarked route and Luke is forced to follow him into the wilderness. This is going to get exciting soon I am sure of it! Any minute now this storyline will pay off!

Guys. I am sorry to break this to you but ANOTHER member of the god damned Cooper clan has made their way to the hospital



Get used to this face because it is here to fucking stay. Like this show needed any more annoying titian Wendy-relations.

In the forest Isaac and Luke Durville whinge about scroggin and Isaac takes off his giant jacket because he is "sweating like a pig" and OH NO he leaves it in the bush! This episode is signposting like crazy.

Back at Awkward Central Tracey is all "Scotty are you sure you don't want to come grocery shopping with me?" and he's like "No. I am going out. To visit someone". I think I have this one sorted- he is going to visit Shanti's grave and be all "babe. I want to marry your best friend. Is that ok?" and she'll be all "Go for it. I'm dead. I am busy romancing your old army mates Warren,Gary and Greg".

Scotty gets all dressed up in a suit jacket and everything and tells Tracey he is off to get some counselling to deal with his near death experience. She is all "YAY! You are totally nuts this is a GREAT idea!" or something similar and he is all "Let's have dinner after" and she says "yes! and I'll make dessert!". I know what "dessert" is code for Tracey, I have your number on this one! SCOTTY IS TOTALLY GOING TO PROPOSE TO TRACEY LATER! After visiting Shanti-grave and maybe Shanti-family. Maybe he will propose with Shanti's old ring, that would be 100% appropriate.

Oh no! Isaac and Luke Durville are in big trouble! Luke has broken his ankle on a big old tree root and its getting kind of dark!

Bella has the hots for Hunter "he has biceps like oranges!" ?



She also has the hots for Brodie! "did you check out his cute butt!?"

And THEN Yvonne says "Do you think we can put biceps and butts aside for a moment and focus on the couriers?" NO YVONNE I DON'T THINK WE CAN! Where are her priorities? Just cos she isn't getting any orange-bicep or cute-butt action these days now that hotty-totty BEN is all dead and buried it is no reason to stop others from getting hot and heavy!

Anyway, Bella messes up because she is too busy ogling the hunnies and then she breaks down crying about how she dropped out of beauty school and is such a failure. Blah blah blah.

Meanwhile, Isaac and Luke Durville have bonded over their lost in the bush experience and have found their way out of the park/someone's backyard and are back at the hospital reminiscing about their mutual love/hate relationship. They still say mean things to each other but now they giggle afterwards and it is all better. Problem solved. Next time I have a work problem I expect my boss to leave me in the forest to work it out/break my ankle.

But it the time has come for Scotty's romantic dinner and he has set the house up like a restaurant. He is all happy and excited but Tracey is all mad because she knows he didn't go to counselling and she has spent the day running around town (ie the bar and the hospital) telling everyone who will listen how she thinks Scotty is dumping her and drinking copious glasses of wine. She demands to know why he lied to her and then he is like "oh Tracey! you have the wrong end of the stick! I had to meet up with the Kumars and get their blessing so I could ask you to marry me!" Which by the way is weird because they refer to Shanti's family like three times in this episode as "The Kumars" but actually her name was Shanti Kumari...now I don't claim to know the ins and outs of Indian surnames but they should be the "Kumaris" right? And if I am right then Scotty is the worst widower EVER.

Anyway, this is the face Tracey makes when Scotty asks her to marry him



and this



ITS LIKE THE DREAM PROPOSAL!

Tune in tomorrow to find out if Tracey says "yes" or "fuck off!" and whether Bella has some kind of three way with Brodie, Hunter and the hot courier guy from tonight's episode.

Try harder, everyone!

Tonight's episode sucked. I can't be bothered going into all the details here so I will do my best to cover the main stuff then go off to do more interesting things like the dishes.

Blah blah supremely boring crap with glasses doctor who was once a serious contender for ferndale stranglerhood and Isaac.

Boring crap with Vasa, Nicole and Wendy.

Wendy does lots of this



Ula tried to kiss Phoenix and he didn't want a bar of it so now Ula goes around staring rumours that Phoenix is gay and "has the hots for Evan". Jazzmaggot is all "OH NO!" and Ula is like "OH YES!" and this is not very progressive.

There is a meeting between Isaac, Chris, glasses and Callum. Callum and Chris yell at Isaac, things like "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?" and "DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!". Its kinda hot.

Maybe Callum and Chris should be a couple? They have a lot of fire in their bellies and maybe I could see it working out?

Ad about smear tests. Sweet.

More boring crap with Vasa, Nicole and Sarah. Not worth commenting on.

Jazzmaggot, Evan and Ula are all hanging out now, they are friends suddenly, and Jazzmaggot is all "hey Ula! You were SOOOOO right, Phoenix is SOOOO gay". Ula is like (gulp!) "How do you know?" and Jazzmaggot is all "Oh I asked him if it was weird that a character in my book only has friends who are girls and he said yes because he understands guys better and that is conclusive proof that he is gay" (paraphrased). That's like the worst proof ever. Stupid Jazzmaggot.

Then Phoenix is all "hey Evan bring over your homework and we can do it together" and all Evan seems to hear is "we can do it together" and he runs off terrified. Because being gay is terrifying guys!

Ula is regretting her mean spirited lies but the gay lie is totally going for gold and there is no taking it back now! Phoenix is leaving the cafe when two tiny little bullies are all "hey! we hate queers!" and shove him.

Then Evan shows up and is all "Leave him Kurt!" and then Kurts friend Kevin says "Defending your boyfriend!" and then Evan is all "Like you can talk Kevin, you nancy boy" and Phoenix (who is like honestly 7 feet tall compared to these tiny men) is all "They ain't worth it Evan" but Evan is all "I bet this one (Kevin) is just dying to come of the closet but he's too dumb to find the door handle" and then Kevin is all "Say that outside!" and Evan is like "ok!" and they all leave to have a big fight outside. Phoenix grabs Evan is says "They're gonna bash you man" and Evan is all hopped up on rage and homophobia and is like "They can try!". This is kind of confusing. He wants to beat up Kevin and Kurt for being homophobic to Phoenix but then Evan is all calling Kevin and Kurt nancy boys and in-the-closet and I don't really understand who I am meant to be supporting. Maybe no one. I think maybe Evan is gay? And this rumour storyline is going to get really serious soon? It has been a while since there has been a male gay character on Shortland Street so I think now could be a good time to sort out the diversity issues?

Phoenix and Evan return back to the fancy Chris house and Evan is sporting some bleeding knuckles and they are high on the blood fever, Evan landed a punch and "those meatheads ran!". Sweet. Phoenix goes to grab some plasters and Evan tells Isaac that Phoenix "likes boys". Isaac makes this face



I think he is really happy that Phoenix is gay? I think because he wants to hurt Chris? I don't think I approve of the underlying message of this episode at all!

Nothing else interesting happens. Maxwell and Vasa fight. Isaac says "attempted gay bashing: apparently Phoenix is out and proud" and Chris is all "oh. :( " once again, not liking this theme.

I saw on the tvnz website that ANOTHER fucking Cooper is coming to town, this time Wendy nurse's daughter "Bella". She will be a happy-go-lucky receptionist who is recently single and ready to mingle (maybe with Phoenix? maybe with Luke Durville). I really hate that the Coopers have become the family of the show. Jazzmaggot, Evan, Wendy, the elusive Murray and now Bella? too much boring/wooden acting/crazy eyes for a half an hour timeslot.

I think Libby might be coming back tomorrow though? GOD I HOPE SO! She needs to regain her spot as Gerald's main lady and give Brooke room for some better storylines as opposed to her recent "girl who fights for Gerald's desk rights" scripts.

SEPTEMBER 3: FEELING THE PAIN

So I totally skipped Thursday, all you need to know from that episode is that Hunter cunningly tricked Penny into the long jaws of the law via a sack of money, and also that Nicole and Yvonne hate eachother. ON WITH THE SHOW

The TVNZ synopsis promises Isaac will "destroy his nemesis" this episode, which sounds way better than it inevitably will be

Straight away we're into some kind of terrible party scene, where that creepy bald doctor with glasses is talking some shit about French people or something, and really this screengrab captures basically everything wrong with the scene:


And I'd really like to know what kind of shitty party this is. It seems to be a shitty awkward gathering of Brooke, Hunter, Gerald and creepy doctor sitting around getting angry. It's like the actors were just chilling in a carpark or something, and the director was all "oh you guys, if you have free time let's have a party scene". Then Maia comes in, and it turns out it's her birthday party, and she promptly kicks everyone out. WOO LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL MAIA

Maia also says she's going to "put [her child] down". Hopefully in the same way you'd put a sick horse down.

More boring family shit with Maxwell, Vasa and Ula. I've noticed a lot of the "A-list" cast - including TK, Tania, Sophie - seem to be on annual leave or something, so they're clearly just filling in space with this trash

Turns out Ula has a pretty hot crush on Chris' country son Phoenix, a fact hamfistedly inserted to this scene via really terrible Sarah dialogue. Want to kill myself.

Nicole and Yvonne have more of an argument, Yvonne finishes up with the brutal smackdown "I'M GOING HOME. IT'S PAST MY BEDTIME." Trash: taken out.

Bald creepy doctor is trying to seduce Vasa over the operating table (an unconscious, opened up person is the ideal romantic location) via talking about Samoan tribal tattoos. Pretty broad stereotyping but OKAY

Anyway Ula is real enthralled with Phoenix's sweet tales of walking around on mud when this prick comes in and demands Phoenix come with him to the skatepark so they can "do stunts":



Jesus I hate that kid. He looks like every kid in fourth form maths who constantly made sex jokes, and it always seemed real weird, because like he clearly doesn't know any girls or something. Terrible vibes

Needless to say Phoenix goes off to "do stunts" leaving Ula real bummed and pulling a variety of sad faces by herself. She's got a crush on him, you know

Ula comes home real sadsack-like and Sarah dispenses some sweet romantic advice. Truly, this is the face of a woman who knows her way around a teenage seduction:



Glasses doctor is complaining about Isaac to Maxwell and Vasa, when Isaac comes in and insults bald doctor, bestowing great shame upon him:



So Ula takes Phoenix for a second go (seemingly the same day?) at that shitty cafe everyone's going to, this time for nachos and milkshakes. She orders a vanilla milkshake, he orders chocolate. What are you trying to do there, Shortland Street?

But don't worry, that awful scumbag kid shows up again with yet another enticing offer - this time he wants to "kick a ball around" with Phoenix. Jeez. Because seriously, how could you turn this face down?



Anyway that creep insists on chilling out with them and eating their nachos. Really hate that kid.

Ohman Nicole and Yvonne are still bitching at eachother. Pretty sure Shortland Street has two states: serial killer, and boring bullshit. There's no inbetween here. Even if TK were currently on the show, it wouldn't be any better. It'd be like 1000% hunkier, but 0% more interesting.

Bald creepy doctor doesn't want Isaac to do surgery. Oh.

Yvonne and Nicole have some boring shitty heart-to-heart about how they hate eachother, which results in Yvonne breaking down about how she's "jealous" of Nicole. Which implies to me she wants to embark on a taboo forbidden lesbian affair with her shrill, moon-faced daughter. Oh the agony.



I guess they don't hate eachother anymore? Storyline, SOLVED

Back at that other cafe, Ula decides to seal this shitty scene with a kiss:



BUT PHOENIX DON'T LIKE THAT KIND OF THING (he's from the farm):



Pretty sure a girl tried the same trick on me when I was like 13. It was pretty good.

Anyway Phoenix don't like it and he walks off, and that prick kid with the dreadful haircut obnoxiously laughs and says "wait til this gets out". Yeah it's gonna be huge I bet

Shortland Street is seriously the only show I know where what passes for a climactic cliffhanger scene is a board meeting between three characters, two of whom are pretty minor characters. Creepy doctor announces "EITHER I GO OR [Isaac] GOES." Pretty sure nobody would miss either of them.

Like, isn't a cliffhanger supposed to keep us hanging over the weekend to see if the situation gets resolved on Monday? Jesus, all we have to go on here is Ula's steamy love life and Dr Creepy's underwhelming ultimatum

Gonna be honest, not impressed, Shortland Street!