Vasa is a slutty tramp and other stories

Welcome! There is a new old bag on the scene and her name is Isaac's mother. She is a snobby, snooty bitch and reminds me of an old 90s character who would hang out with Rachel McKenna's dad drinking champagne and instigating affairs.



Anyway, Isaac's mother has had a bad experience with Brooke's hustler father and Brooke is all nervous about her finding out that she is actually Brooke Marsden not Brooke Freeman.

At the hospital all the nurses are buzzing with the news that Vasa is now their boss again. Vasa is buzzing with the potentially Maxwell-humping position she has maneuvered herself into. Vasa is all hitting on Maxwell "I thought you'd be happy, I am, for various reasons" wink wink. God she is a shameful hussy! Sarah is going to be so mad!



Back at the crappiest bar in town Brodie is all happy and Sophie doesn't like it. He is all "oh yeah it was my fault Bella stood up her girlfriends last night cos she stayed over at my place HOT SEX"



Check out Sophie's dead eyes!

Brodie is all "oh it was GREAT" and Sophie doesn't like this (maybe because she still likes him or maybe because it is pretty disgusting imaging him having copious amounts of sex with Bella) and she makes this face



"Gross TMI" she says baffling about 80% of the Shortland Street middle aged ladies audience.

In walks old lady Worthington with Isaac. She LOVES Brooke BUT she doesn't know yet that Brooke's old man is a big con artist. Old Lady looks like this



Meanwhile, Tracey is whining to Scotty about his appointment of Vasa as king nurse. He doesn't really care about her opinion. He gives her this sexy kiss


She digs it. Clearly.

In the lift Isaac woos Brooke. I understand why too, look at her! She is so adorable!



In the staff room Maxwell breaks the news to Sarah that Vasa is here to stay.




That's pretty much how I feel about this Vasa return too.

Maxwell and Ula have this super long super close embrace in the hospital cafe while nerd daughter, Sarah and Wendynurse look on.



After the uncomfortably long hug Ula gifts Sarah with a pity gift,

Sarah: "Ah! The Poly Soles!"
Ula: "Yeah, they're pretty fresh"

SWEET.

Ula, it conspires, only gave Sarah the gift of Poly Soles because she feels bad that soon Maxwell will dump poor old MS Sarah and take up with hotshot Vasa. Sarah, overhearing this storms off to confront Vasa! Sarah demands, in a very highly developed code that Vasa set "ULA" straight about the whole Maxwell/Vasa future sex love sounds thing and that "ULA" shouldn't get her hopes up because Maxwell and Sarah are planning a holiday and she doesn't want things with "ULA" to get messy.


"we are planning a HOLIDAY"

Vasa doesn't like that one god damned poly sole bit



SARAH VASA WAR!!!

Over at the Bug Bar that smarmy prick of a bar manager is busy pimping out various customers for TK's enjoyment. "Here are a couple of hunnies now!" and in walk Nicole and Tania. I don't know what happened between TK and Tania? I guess they broke up? I should probably find out. I am going to assume she didn't like the cut of his jib and dumped his fine arse. Anyway, Smug Bar manager introduces TK to some extra woman who of course, as all small speaking part extras do, puts on a terrible American accent for no reason what-so-ever. TK does his TK thing and is all "can I buy you a drink, sexy". Tania sits in the corner wondering what TK would look like smothered in butter and spreadeagled on her bed.

The Bug Bar is clearly the new hot spot because now Isaac and Brooke are here! They make out in front of the smug prick bar guy and then proceed to have a huge fight because Brooke won't stop oogling piece of meat TK. They take the fight back to Brooke's place where, surprise surprise, a screaming match ends in big make out. This whole sexy fight bit is completely overplayed, I know for a FACT that never have I been in an all out verbal assault with someone only to realise mid scream that I actually want to stick it to my opponent. Anyway, the crappy romantic music plays and we go to ad break. I think Isaac and Brooke should get married though. They are kind of perfect for each other- They both make stupid facial expressions and enjoy running through money like no one's business.




IMAGINE THEIR CHILDREN?!?!

ANYWAY Brooke breaks it to old lady Worthington that her father is Grant Marsden and old lady is all "EW! YUCKS" but otherwise still likes Brooke! Good going Brooke! But wait! The course of true love doesn't run smooth! Old lady Worthington overhears Nicole and Tania having a bitchfest about how Brooke is a gold digging whore in one of the worst directed/written scenes I have ever seen. Now old lady doesn't like Brooke and wants her to get her tiny hands out of the family coffers! She promptly cuts Isaac off from the trust fund (he can only have the money once uncle Gareth or something okays it). This plot speaks to us all really, I know there have been some hairy times where my over bearing mother has stepped in to stop me spending tens of thousands on race horses and has ruined my party on a yacht plans feat. foie gras and caviar. I've been there, I feel ya Isaac.

Meanwhile, again at the nurse's station, Maxwell and Sarah have a spat about Sarah's previous Vasa lecture. Maxwell wants Sarah to keep her sticky beak out of it and Vasa lurks around the corner, oh so glad anticipating her inevitable conquest of Maxwell Mountain.

Maxwell confronts Vasa in the staff room about how they have some sexual tension but she should forget it cos he's happy sticking it to Sarah for the time being. Vasa is all "oh no! There are cracks there! And when they get so big there's no going back, you know where I'll be. Here. Waiting". THAT HUSSY!

FINALLY back at Chris house (where is Chris by the way? I guess he too is on ANNUAL LEAVE) old lady Worthington is laying down the law to Isaac about the whole money situation. She tells him his "spendthrift days are over". And you know, if me of like 2 months ago was told this I would be pleased because up until then I thought that "spendthrift" meant someone who scrimps and saves. That's what is sounds like right!?!? But no. Isaac is more educated than me and he knows what the word means.



And there we have it. The nation, caught up in the classic/everyman problem of what to do when your stinking rich family makes you live on just your surgeon's salary. Jeez! I hope he makes it! GST went up you know!

The mid-year doldrums: plots about bandaids and charge nurse promotions

SORRY IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE BLOGGED. I got all caught up in watching Mulholland drive and have spent the last 2 weeks trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

So anyway, it seems that a LOT has been going on since I last saw Shortland Street! Vasa and Maxwell have big lusty feelings? Daniel Potts is back and got bitten by a snake and Ula thinks he is a STUD MUFFIN. Maia is the next on the rotating annual leave mid year roster after TK and Tania so she is off doing something to do with post-natal depression. So Nicole is being charge nurse? This is making Tania mad cos she is all "I SHOULD BE THE CHARGE NURSE!" and so Scotty has to choose between the girlfriend of the charge nurse or the sister of the charge nurse. This is not a very professional workplace in my opinion. Too much inter-mixing.

Oh yeah, there is a bunch of bullshit going on with the IV where Sophie is still running the business into the ground (this is why you don't let 18 year olds own bars) and some new bar "The Bug Bar" which is kicking the IV's arse and making Brodie and Sophie sad about how they both suck at their jobs and probably shouldn't have given up on their dreams of doctorhood and reporterdom respectively to work in a dead-man's bar desperately trying to get Luke Durville and Bella to drink hot cocktails during the day.

I think that's all that has been going on really.

OKAY! So we open at the nurse's station where Nicole is demonstrating her awesome management skills by yelling at Wendy and in general being a bossy bitch. Tracey calls her out on it and Wendy suddenly grows some balls and calls Nicole a "bossy britches". OOOH BURN! Nicole is all bummed out because she liked it when she was the fun loving one not the hated one and so she puts her thinking cap on so she can figure out a way of being both popular and a productive charge nurse. ARGH BORING.

Anyway, so Brodie tried to sabotage the bug bar by sticking a bandaid in his food but he was caught on security footage and so the boss of this bug bar - this smug prick here whose name is incidentally Dante

is all mad at Sophie and accuses her of sending Brodie to do her dirty business.

Sophie vehemently denies this suggestion


And smug prick from the Bug Bar is all "if you ever come near my bar again I will give this footage to the police (?)" but he won't nark on them just yet because, in true smug prick fashion he would rather watch the IV "go down the gurgler one day at a time". Them's fighting words smug prick!

Meanwhile, across the road at the hospital cafe Ula, Maxwell and VASA are having smoothies and discussing whether Ula and Vasa will stay on in Ferndale or move back to Wellington. Maxwell is all "stay! go! live in wellington! (NO THANKS!!!!we don't want you here!) or stay here in Auckland, whatever! do what you like ladies!". You know, if Maxwell was a responsible father he would look at the statistics and be all "you know. If you stay here there is about a 60% likelihood one or both of you will be murdered and a 100% likelihood you will both work at the fucking hospital at some point". But no, he is all chilled. Ula is all "sorry mum. I know you have the hots for dad. Sorry he doesn't want to stick it to you as much as you want to stick it to him. Sucks to be you" etc.

Back at the shittiest bar in town Sophie is busy being a mean boss to Brodie. Bella wants to stick up for him to Sophie and look at how tall Bella is/How short Sophie is! Sitting on a stool AND slouching Bella is still the same height at tiny tiny angry Sophie! I hope that these girls have sent in their hobbit/giant CVs to Peter Jackson.



At the hospital Wendynurse is bustling around with her weird pumpkin face when her nerdy daughter stumbles in demanding that Wendynurse abandons her post and comes as a parent helper on some shitty school trip to the planetarium. Surely they don't require parent helpers, they are like 16 years old! I would be all "fuck off nerd-offspring. I have shit to do! What about your out of work father, MURRAY who, according to previous plotlines, has no job and all the time in the world to supervise your trip to the Planetarium!".



But Nicole!SuperNurse! comes to the rescue and sends Wendy on her jolly way to the Planetarium. She will find someone to cover the shift for she is SuperNurse!

In the staff room Maxwell encounters Sarah who is all "shut up Maxwell! I am reading my magazine!" and he is all "oh sweetheart, I think we should have a break" and she screeches back "THAT'S WHAT I AM DOING!" and he is all "no no like a holiday you stupid tramp!". And then this happens




Good lord! This is horrifying! When I printscreened this I gave myself the biggest fright! It is like looking in the face of evil.

Bella is still working as Callums PA or whatever and doing a sterling job of it by the looks of it.



She tells Callum about how Sophie is running the bar into the ground and so Callum storms down to the IV to sort out his daughter's business. As you do. She is all "I should fire the guy who I am angry at!" and Brodie is all "GULP! THAT'S ME!". He breaks a beer bottle and she sends him home with his tail between his legs.

Back at the hospital Nicole and Tania are bitching at each other about how shit they are "what kind of team player are you!?" "what kind of manager are YOU!?" etc. Scotty is all "ladies shut the fuck up. I am investigating our options". They are both grumpy but Tania is all "hell yes I am going to be the new charge nurse!". DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS TANIA!

At Brodie and Hunter's cockroach filled flat Brodie is putting the moves on Bella. They make out after she tells him that she text all her friends including her Great-Aunt Ginny and told them to make their way to the IV and ask for bartender Brodie. She really has NO eyebrows!

Anyway, they stick it to each other "The best I have ever had!" she proclaims while dancing around half dressed in the kitchen. They would have sweaty sex.

It is charge nurse naming time! Tania is all smug and Nicole tells the team that she has dropped out of contention. But wait! In a shock twist it is not Tania who is the new charge nurse


but good old meanie VASA



"Hey guys, didya miss me"

and Maxwell is all like this



OH NO! Now Maxwell will have to deal with his Vasa-lust! Will he nail her up against the nurses station at 1am on a late night shift? Or will be keep sticking it to Sarah in the depths of hell



Only time will tell!

OCTOBER 4: RETURNING AFTER ABSENCE

I haven't watched Shortland St in about a week. Oh man I love it when I don't watch Shortland St. But to be honest, I don't deserve the happiness.

Uh British guy wants Sapphic temptress Nicole, Bella wants Brodie, Brodie wants Sophie, Hunter made out with hot new surgeon Jennifer. Neat.

Immediately after kissing Hunter, Jennifer apologises repeatedly and starts weeping. Hot catch! She's all "I'm real bummed cause I lost a patient" so he puts on this bullshit "sensitive guy" thing to try and get into her clearly mentally imbalanced underwear

Brodie's taken Bella back to his shithole of an apartment, where she promptly sits on a slice of pizza. Then he's all "oh yeah actually I wanna stick it to Sophie". This episode, so far, is a lesson in smooth

Bella can't look anyone in the eyes, but it makes sense because Brodie seems to be wearing eyeliner.

Jesus, Jennifer's life sucks. She lost a kid and made out with a guy that looks like a Topp Twin and now she's gonna go chill by herself. But Nicole offers her a shoulder to cry on

Oh yeah Brodie's all "ciao Bella" to Bella as she leaves. Sweet scriptwriting, Shortland St!

Meanwhile, in the cafe, British guy is explaining time zones to Brooke, and for some reason, the concept of the international date line pisses her off a whole lot:



Anyway back at their dingy hellhole apartment, Hunter and Brodie are just chillin



It's pretty homoerotic. Hunter's all "oh hey remember that time we had that flatmate, and we both wanted to stick it to her, so I did, and then it turned out she killed a bunch of guys?" and Brodie's like "yeah also once I set a couch on fire, also I want to stick it to your sister now, remember how she seduced that guy and then he was all 'I'm not a creep' but actually he was a creep and then he stalked her? And now she owns a bar, inexplicably?"

It's a pretty great conversation.

Oh man, OnDemand has this ad for like coffeeware called "Bodum", after the sweet metal act Children of Bodum? That chimp DIGS ITTTTT

Scotty's promoted Nicole but he don't trust her, so he asks Tracey to spy for him. She kind of lurches toward him weirdly:



Bella's real perplexed as to why Brodie doesn't want her/Sophie messed her around:



It's definitely because she has no eyebrows.

Anyway Brooke cons her into leaving the office so she can steal some documents or something. I have no idea about her motivations, but I'm glad she's back to her usual sociopathic tricks.

Nicole then calls the nurse on the right in this picture a "creature of the night":



Hunter and Jennifer are in a lift, and reinvigorated by his shitty benchpress routine, he attempts to ask her out again. Then Callum comes in and is all "oh yeah this is my son also"

Bella then advises Sophie to get "old and fat" so she can ensnare Brodie in her womanly trap.

British guy seems to be angry at Nicole for leading him on when she's really all about the babes, and so I think he's sabotaging her nursing with Scotty or something? I think we're not meant to like this British guy, but to be honest I find him charming. Anyway Scotty is kind of mad at her a bit I guess. I don't know.

Oh man bald creepy doctor now wants Jennifer. Emotional instability is clearly the hot ticket among the hospital's hottest bachelors. Or at least the kind of bloated, pink-faced ones.

So Brodie asks out Bella again because he's real bummed I guess, and then she's all "nah I'm good" and he feels the infinite sadness:



Hunter persists in asking out Jennifer. She's like 40, and I think he's meant to be about 20? This is creepy and weird. I mean I know he stuck it to that middle aged woman before, but it was weird then and it's weird now. She must be pretty pissed off. Anyway she throws him off her track by telling him a story about how her negligent caregiving killed a kid. Aw yeah

Then there's this shitty argument between the nurses for seemingly no reason:



and Scotty is forced to hesitantly intervene, which he does in this weird stuttery overacting style, that I think is meant to convey his grasp on sanity is slipping. Or something. I don't know.

END CREDITS ROLL

oh it's almost time for tonight's episode

SEPTEMBER 29: SUMMER HOLIDAY

Have you ever listened to Cliff Richard's Living Doll? At one point, he mentions how he wants to like, bury the titular living doll in a trunk or something. Seriously weird vibes.

Anyway, tonight's show opens with dipshit-turned-bar manager Brodie potentially wooing a bunch of slurring businessmen. Oh hang on, actually Sophie owns the bar now? Yeah it's definitely a worthwhile move entrusting a bar to a journalist seductress weirdo. Also, there's this weird British guy who's just chilling in the bar marking snarky comments to Brodie about the businessmen the whole time? What is this shit

Oh yeah Sarah's real bummed because Daniel (who is not on the show) has been bitten by a snake or something



Anyway Tania's put on a sumptuous feast to try and seduce surgical hunk TK Samuels but TK's too concerned about Sarah's non-existent snake-ridden son, and doesn't turn up. Without telling here, because he's real smooth

Sophie's at the hospital and Callum asks her if she wants a lift to the IV. I've always been under the impression the IV is over the road from the hospital, what kind of shitty favour is that? Yeah dad thanks for wasting my time and yours

Turns out Daniel's been bitten by a snake called "blue viper" which sounds like a gay biker-themed stripper to me, but whatever. This incredibly exciting storyline is acted out entirely by Sarah and TK acting real hard into cellphones in some shitty dingy room

Back at the bar (which is over the road from the hospital) I think we're meant to assume a lot of time has passed, and now the cabal of businessmen are well drunk. That strange lone British man in a suit is still lurking around the bar for whatever reason and let me tell you, he is not impressed:



We see him go upstairs, while Brodie goes and gives the businessmen some more alcohol. The businessmen thank him for upselling him a hotel room upstairs, because that's what normal people do and give him a $50 note. Never mind these businessmen all look like they're fresh from appearing in district court on minor offence charges:



Look at that greedy creep in the middle. Fuck.

Sappic wisdom source Nicole is bagging on Tania and TK's sudden, shitty, inexplicable romance, and now Tania's all bummed. We know this, because Shortland Street's "sad music" plays.

The next scene opens with a look of pure distain from that horse-faced bartender extra:



She's grumpy about those drunken businessmen injecting some serious cash into the IV's coffers and she's not alone - that fucking British suit guy is back in the bar too for a glass of delicious water. I mean it's not like he's staying in a hotel room upstairs, where they have taps or anything. Jesus.

British guy is all "I thought you were closing" and Brodie's like "oh yeah I was" and British is all "MAKE YOUR DECISION". Jesus you British creep, no one asked for your opinion. Anyway, Brodie supplies the businessmen with three bottles of wine (BUT HE'S NOT A LICENSED WHOLESALER) and sends the delightful drunks out onto the streets. But of course, that British loser has something snarky to add.

But at least we get some sweet Brooke action in the next scene, as she advises Tania that TK's heart belongs to supple, supple Sarah, a fact she is clearly very proud of:



Ohman and now Sophie and Bella are best friends inexplicably and that fucking British suit guy is Bella's boss? And he's all "make me some spreadsheets" and she's freaking out because you know, she came on the show like last week or something and doesn't know how to to shit

She needs eyebrows, but more importantly check out Sophie's sweet top in the background



Anyway it seems this British guy (his name is Leo, it conspires) has inspired a chilling vendetta in Sophie, who decides it's totally her place to take that sucker down

Those businessmen make their chilling return, this time in stretchers at the hospital. Remember don't drink!

Sophie has mixed feelings about Brodie's management skills:



If British guy hates the IV bar so much why is he always there? Then Sophie does this real weird bit where she does some strange girlish giggle, then stony seriousness in the space of about two seconds. Why?




Actually the one where she's laughing looks more like she's grimacing in pain but you know, she is on Shortland Street.



Sophie goes snooping on Bella's behalf and finds Leo's real into Sudoku. But only easy level, because he's a fucking dipshit. Also, there have been like three Sophie scenes in a row at this point, and since when did she become such a heavy hitter?

Meanwhile TK and Tania's bumbling romance continues as she tells him their dinner date won't be anticlimactic - instead, it will be "extremely climactic" LOL DOUBLE SEQUITUR

British guy is all appalled at the businessmen's presence in the hospital, and sees his chance - he pounces at Callum, telling him his 18-year-old daughter who owns a bar is somewhat irresponsible GUUHHHHH

Anyway Callum goes and gets in a grump at Sophie and stuff. Wish I could go around yelling at barely legal bar managers.

Tania and TK's hot dinner date is going well. She's all "that was delicious" and he's like "wait till you see what I've got for you next.." and then lowers his voice real husky and is like "DESSERT" and I guess it's meant to make the ladies swoon, but it's actually incredibly threatening and creepy

Thankfully, dessert never happens, courtesy of an appopriately-timed phone call from Sarah, who looms large even though she's in Indonesia looking after her failed son and his "blue viper" woes.

And Tania's just thrilled about the phonecall for whatever reason



But not so thrilled, because she promptly dumps TK as soon as he's off the phone. No dessert!

TK looks predictably smouldering, hungry for dessert all the same.



Anyway the episode ends here and now I'm just gonna copy and paste some wisdom, courtesy of the actor who plays Sophie's Twitter:

Ballet with my mummy!

Feeling inspired.. Reading a mag with bikinis in it... Does this mean I can get excited for Summer .. Too late I am.. Bikini shopping!!

Sooooooooo full ... Indian takeaways for dinner! Yum .. Need Green tea please!!

OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

Lessons in crime: Tuesday 28th September

I had better start by saying that I haven't seen an episode of shortland street in maybe a week? I have no clue what's going on save for being told that there is some shit about a stolen bike and mistaken bike-dentity? If this is what I think it is then this storyline has already been covered in 1993 by Full House:
The Bicycle Thief Episode.

Synopsis:
"A bicycle watch group is formed when Michelle reports that her bicycle is stolen. In a strange turn of events Danny, Jesse and Joey turn into the thieves by mistake".



"Michelle tells the family that her bicycle is missing, so the family starts a search for it. Later on, Danny, Jesse, and Joey have each brought home a bicycle that looks like Michelle's, but it turns out that none of the three bikes belong to Michelle. At the same time, the disappearances of the three bikes is being investigated by Crime Catchers, a neighborhood watch program led by Mrs. Carruthers, who works at the school Michelle goes to. After the 3 bikes are returned to their rightful owners, it turns out that Michelle had forgotten that she left her own bike at Derek's house".



I know this isn't a picture of a bicycle but there is a donkey or something.
While researching this information for accuracy (this blog is all about accuracy) I found this potentially fantastic website

http://fullhousereviewed.wordpress.com/page/2/
I don't know how to link this properly. Please do go to the effort of copy and pasting this into your searchy bar thing. I think you will find it well worth it. Actually you may want to just close this blog and go read the other blog until you fall asleep. It's that absorbing. Please don't though. I need validation.

Since we are discussing the fullest of houses check out this creeptastic/mindblowing video



Anyway, back to current bike storylines. Something with Ula and Wendy-kid and Chris-kid stealing someone's bike but the wrong bike and Ula was seen and so the paper was all



And since I am not the journalist here I can't say for sure but I am PRETTY sure this is not standard practice... The Ferndale Gazette (?) must have very low standards/oh I forgot that Sophie used to work for them without any qualifications/probably just interviewed her friends about their daily goingsabout and/or potential defamations they would like to make.

I don't know anything about defamation. I am just really anti the Ferndale Gazette right now. Bunch of right wing pricks. I am assuming.

Anyway, Maxwell and Sarah grill Ula about the whole bike/water thing and Sarah makes these faces





She really needs a good rest and a break from all this family crap. Wasn't that the reason she ditched TK? Now she has Ula to deal with who won't stop either bullying, vandalising, starting gay rumours or lusting after rural sons of rich surgeons. That can't be good for the old MS.

It seems that since last time I watched Isaac and Tania have split up? Good I guess? Now Isaac can maybe go bone Brooke? She's more his type I think.


Meanwhile, over at Millionaire Mansion Wendy-kid comes over to see Chris-Kid. Wendy-kid tries to convince Chris-Kid not to do anything and keep their dirty little secret. He makes a pretty strong case if these faces are anything to go by







And now for SOME reason Bella (that despicable receptionist fruit of Wendy's angry loins) is Callum's PA? Or she is Callum's PA's PA? This makes a LOT of sense, wouldn't you want this as the public face of you as your own personal Callum brand?



Some posh English guy (I am assuming the guy who took the Libby/Gerald job from under their noses) thinks Bella is a good idea? She really has experienced a meteoric rise from beauty school dropout to PA to the CEO of a hospital. I guess its like the time Lei Mei went from medical student who spoke no English to fully naturalised NZ accent brain surgeon in six months only to die of some horrible disease the night she got her dream job via the earliest form of skype.

Anyway, I really hate this stupid Bella character



"The diary! Just where Gerald said it would be! It's like falling off a log. Like me. Cos the job's easy like me falling off a log". THIS IS NOT FUNNY THIS IS PAINFUL

Meanwhile, we join Tania and TK on some kind of pre-romantic wander through the hospital grounds. Tania is all sassy and what I assume is meant to be flirty and sexy? What follows is the worst approximation of sexual tension/witty banter/chemistry/human interaction maybe ever captured on film.

(awkward silence)"Oh Libby left with Gerald. I am not allowed to mention the Green card. OOPS I mentioned it lol"
TK (awkward silence)
Tania:(offering TK a bun or something) "Oh don't be shy"

TK: "Oh wahine first"



Tania: "Don't be silly, manuhiri first"



TK: "If you insist, hehe"

AND THEN THEIR HANDS TOUCH IN THE BUN BAG



They are both like "ha ha ha oh sexy oh ha ha" and it is THE LEAST sexy thing I have seen and I have seen Ben and Yvonne make out.

Oh Chris figures out that his kid is a thief. It's pretty lame.

Back at the sexy park Tania and TK are awkwardly chatting about nothing on a park bench. TK doesn't really do much to help the conversation progress except for sitting like a male model in a cleo "Bachelor of the Year" contest and relying on his old TK charm to pull him through such unconvincing romantic situations.



When in doubt do this



And this



HE IS GOING TO MAKE HER SQUEAL!

At Chris' house there is some makeshift worship going on or something?



Oh I see, they are acting contrite. The panel of parents decide to scare them with a trip to the cells. Whatever, boring boring.

Tania and TK are STILL enduring the worst date ever. TK walks past a rubbish bin and slam dunks his bun rubbish "HE AIIMS AND HE SHOOTS" Tania "OWWWWW! HE SCORES! WOOOOO!" TK "Naturally" . Then they start rambling on about netball Tania is all "you are all over the opposition like a ....uh.... rash" TK "oh a netball strain of dermatitus" LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL. NEVER EVER BREED.

Then TK trips over a chain fence and they promptly make out. He bites his lip like this to show us that he wants to devour Tania, preferably whole.



Blah blah Tania is making a sexy dangerous meal for TK. Brooke is meddling trying to get in the way of TK and Tania and it works! Tania is all bummed. Although really,once your husband has made a secret baby with your lesbian sister then a guy not showing up for dinner is really nothing. She should learn not to sweat the small stuff. Anyway, we leave our fair maiden all gussied up for a night of TK lovin' but with no TK to love. When will she win? Probably never. If the writers were still cribbing storylines from Full House then I guess Tania could marry uncle Jesse and have twin boys and live in the basement/attic/whatever. Isn't it scandalous how Stephanie Tanner became a meth addict and somewhat less scandalous that DJ became an evangelical christian? Bring some of THAT to shortland street and it would spice up these dull mid season plots.

I was trying to find some kind of witty and or meth addicty full house photo to end this post but it was pretty slim pickings. I did come across this rather sad "more like" creation which really plumbs the depths of "more like" humour.

Oh god.



Please bring back the ferndale strangler, I know some characters well past their expiration date.






and