The Usual Suspects: Introduction and Review number 1: Chris Warner, the main man

My friend Sean is in Japan this year learning of the delights of red beans, expensive apples and oriental surprises. He LOVES Shortland Street, especially BROOKE FREEMAN and I can't let Sean get homesick for this fine show. THEREFORE I am making this "blog". It will feature everything ferndale and will not be written in proper grammar because that is not one of my strong points. IF YOU CAN'T STAND MY HEAT GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN. Tobias and Sean will both be made "team members" although since Sean is not actually in the country and cannot view the show I imagine his reviews will, for the most part, have to consist of reviews of Brooke's hair and Sarah Pott's cheeky smile.

If you are new to Shortland Street, or have been away for a while Sean then you need to have a quick review of who is important in Shortland Street and who is not. This man, Chris Warner, is the big deal. Dr Love. Mr Important. He is called Dr Love because he sticks it to every female character on the show before leaving them/cheating on them/them dying/all of the above. He is a plastic surgeon and is RICH RICH RICH. Ladies, take note he has lots of cash BUT he also has a really horrific son whose gravelly voice would drive any normal person to horrible horrible crimes. In the image to your right Chris is about to bone Suzy Aiken. At an aerobics class. 18 years ago.

During his tenure as resident hot stuff he enjoyed the carnal delights of many many New Zealand femmes, including but not limited to the aforementioned Aiken, Danielle Cormack, Greer Robson (of "Greer's World" Woman's Day fame) and fiesty redhead Angela Bloomfield. I forget most of his storylines because they usually revolve around being rich, ordering wine at the I.V (the only bar in town) and delivering his lines in the most bizarre and illogical manner. He may have been replaced by a Dr Love robot but it would be pretty hard to tell. Once, quite recently, I saw him in the flesh wearing a cap, trying to hide his Dr Love identity while shopping for drums or guitars at a music shop on Cuba Street. I won't deny it, I was pretty excited. It was a good day because I also got free chocolate from "The Free Shop" but sadly it tasted like chalk. Not a bad metaphor for Dr Love I guess.

I am kind of sick of talking about him now. I want to move on to more exciting characters, such as horseface from the I.V and one eyed american gangster from the other night's episode.