So Maxwell's tramp daughter isn't going to school and making up lies about being bullied? And his slut wife is making excuses, but who cares
and the slut wife and the daughter are causing serious tensions in Sarah and Maxwell's shitty lives, then this happens:
Brody's still a jerk:
Kieran's all "this business with Fuller, Sophie doesn't understand that I did it for her", referring to how he TORTURED AND NEARLY MURDERED A GUY, and Brody's all "yeah, chicks eh?" seriously, what is wrong with the scriptwriters?
Also, in the background of the bar set there are some light fixtures which, bizarrely, cast shadows on the wall behind them:
Pretty sure that's not possible.
Now Kieran's getting mysterious silent phone calls from "a dude", as Brody describes him - just like what happened to Sophie!
Meanwhile, Yvonne is getting into some bullshit drama about some boring shit about some kind of social committee and acting her gremlin heart out:
Oh, now there's going to be some kind of election for Shortland Street social club. God I hope someone gets murdered on this show soon.
Now Maxwell and his slut wife are talking in Samoan and having a real stilted conversation about their glorious pasts, I guess before she nailed some bro in Samoa and he became a drunken gambler? I don't get it. And then Maxwell decides it's time to play a card game called "sweepy" with his godawful daughter, who pulls this face:
And Maxwell's slut wife is NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT:
GOD THIS SHOW SUCKS
CUT TO LESBIANS BINGE DRINKING AND COMPLAINING ABOUT YVONNE who by magic appears at their Sapphic love den to announce her hot election plans, but Maia's not so enthused:
Maxwell and his awful daughter are still paying "sweepy", slut wife is still grumpy, oh fuck off
And a cop's busted in on the bar being all "oh hey Kieran what's up" to tell him his brother, who pretended to kill a girl when actually Kieran did, has been murdered to death in Bangkok, Kieran responds by staring at him with his mouth half open
AND AD BREAK
Now Kieran's binge drinking his cares away, when Gerald stumbles in and I mean I'm pretty happy there was a murder in this episode, but it was off-camera and of a character who left the show like months ago
Now it's the next day and Maxwell and his daughter are still talking about playing fucking "sweepy", I hope Maxwell takes a similar approach to his daughter as he did to a Christmas tree that one time, and Maxwell's slut wife heard him talking about his insatiable lust for high-stakes gambling on a telephone? Turns out the rad game of "sweepy" he played reignited the furious gambling fire in Maxwell's horrible soul
WHOA SHORTLAND STREET WAY TO USE A DOLLY ZOOM
Wendy doesn't care about the social club dramas, neither does anyone watching:
Then this happens:
Now Maxwell's slut wife and Wendy are bitching about parenting again, pretty sure this doesn't need to be detailed
Meanwhile, Tracey and Scotty have a sweet conversation about how Kieran's brother got "what was coming to him" in front of Kieran. Choice!
And Sarah's grumpy because Maxwell is taking his slut wife and daughter out (to play sweepy?) instead of her
AND AD BREAK
And we're back and Kieran still can't really act and is still getting mysterious silent phone calls
OH FUCK OFF MAXWELL AND YOUR FUCKING SLUT WIFE AND HORRIBLE CHILD. They're at the dinner table where Maxwell announces to his daughter he won't be sticking it to his slut wife anytime soon - Sarah's the only awful woman for him
The entire cast is crammed into the hospital cafe set, but strangely only only one homely extra is on focus:
Turns out it's the social club election, pretty sure if this happened at my work nobody would turn up. I certainly wouldn't. They're having speeches and all kinds of shit
Yvonne fails at her speech! Oh no what can this mean
Gerald talks to Kieran about his dead brother, and Kieran calls Gerald "sunshine" in return, like I guess anyone would
And Yvonne's still talking, and they vote based on who's standing on what side of each room? What the hell kind of democracy is this? Fuck
And it's a tie, but Maia holds the deciding vote! This is her decision face:
She realises a vote for Nicole is a vote for netball uniforms (seriously) AND WE HAVE A WINNER
Kieran's outside and crying:
AND THEN SOMEONE KIDNAPS HIM VIA A SACK
DRUM FILL
FADE TO BLACK
At least it was almost a murder.
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