The mid-year doldrums: plots about bandaids and charge nurse promotions

SORRY IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE BLOGGED. I got all caught up in watching Mulholland drive and have spent the last 2 weeks trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

So anyway, it seems that a LOT has been going on since I last saw Shortland Street! Vasa and Maxwell have big lusty feelings? Daniel Potts is back and got bitten by a snake and Ula thinks he is a STUD MUFFIN. Maia is the next on the rotating annual leave mid year roster after TK and Tania so she is off doing something to do with post-natal depression. So Nicole is being charge nurse? This is making Tania mad cos she is all "I SHOULD BE THE CHARGE NURSE!" and so Scotty has to choose between the girlfriend of the charge nurse or the sister of the charge nurse. This is not a very professional workplace in my opinion. Too much inter-mixing.

Oh yeah, there is a bunch of bullshit going on with the IV where Sophie is still running the business into the ground (this is why you don't let 18 year olds own bars) and some new bar "The Bug Bar" which is kicking the IV's arse and making Brodie and Sophie sad about how they both suck at their jobs and probably shouldn't have given up on their dreams of doctorhood and reporterdom respectively to work in a dead-man's bar desperately trying to get Luke Durville and Bella to drink hot cocktails during the day.

I think that's all that has been going on really.

OKAY! So we open at the nurse's station where Nicole is demonstrating her awesome management skills by yelling at Wendy and in general being a bossy bitch. Tracey calls her out on it and Wendy suddenly grows some balls and calls Nicole a "bossy britches". OOOH BURN! Nicole is all bummed out because she liked it when she was the fun loving one not the hated one and so she puts her thinking cap on so she can figure out a way of being both popular and a productive charge nurse. ARGH BORING.

Anyway, so Brodie tried to sabotage the bug bar by sticking a bandaid in his food but he was caught on security footage and so the boss of this bug bar - this smug prick here whose name is incidentally Dante

is all mad at Sophie and accuses her of sending Brodie to do her dirty business.

Sophie vehemently denies this suggestion


And smug prick from the Bug Bar is all "if you ever come near my bar again I will give this footage to the police (?)" but he won't nark on them just yet because, in true smug prick fashion he would rather watch the IV "go down the gurgler one day at a time". Them's fighting words smug prick!

Meanwhile, across the road at the hospital cafe Ula, Maxwell and VASA are having smoothies and discussing whether Ula and Vasa will stay on in Ferndale or move back to Wellington. Maxwell is all "stay! go! live in wellington! (NO THANKS!!!!we don't want you here!) or stay here in Auckland, whatever! do what you like ladies!". You know, if Maxwell was a responsible father he would look at the statistics and be all "you know. If you stay here there is about a 60% likelihood one or both of you will be murdered and a 100% likelihood you will both work at the fucking hospital at some point". But no, he is all chilled. Ula is all "sorry mum. I know you have the hots for dad. Sorry he doesn't want to stick it to you as much as you want to stick it to him. Sucks to be you" etc.

Back at the shittiest bar in town Sophie is busy being a mean boss to Brodie. Bella wants to stick up for him to Sophie and look at how tall Bella is/How short Sophie is! Sitting on a stool AND slouching Bella is still the same height at tiny tiny angry Sophie! I hope that these girls have sent in their hobbit/giant CVs to Peter Jackson.



At the hospital Wendynurse is bustling around with her weird pumpkin face when her nerdy daughter stumbles in demanding that Wendynurse abandons her post and comes as a parent helper on some shitty school trip to the planetarium. Surely they don't require parent helpers, they are like 16 years old! I would be all "fuck off nerd-offspring. I have shit to do! What about your out of work father, MURRAY who, according to previous plotlines, has no job and all the time in the world to supervise your trip to the Planetarium!".



But Nicole!SuperNurse! comes to the rescue and sends Wendy on her jolly way to the Planetarium. She will find someone to cover the shift for she is SuperNurse!

In the staff room Maxwell encounters Sarah who is all "shut up Maxwell! I am reading my magazine!" and he is all "oh sweetheart, I think we should have a break" and she screeches back "THAT'S WHAT I AM DOING!" and he is all "no no like a holiday you stupid tramp!". And then this happens




Good lord! This is horrifying! When I printscreened this I gave myself the biggest fright! It is like looking in the face of evil.

Bella is still working as Callums PA or whatever and doing a sterling job of it by the looks of it.



She tells Callum about how Sophie is running the bar into the ground and so Callum storms down to the IV to sort out his daughter's business. As you do. She is all "I should fire the guy who I am angry at!" and Brodie is all "GULP! THAT'S ME!". He breaks a beer bottle and she sends him home with his tail between his legs.

Back at the hospital Nicole and Tania are bitching at each other about how shit they are "what kind of team player are you!?" "what kind of manager are YOU!?" etc. Scotty is all "ladies shut the fuck up. I am investigating our options". They are both grumpy but Tania is all "hell yes I am going to be the new charge nurse!". DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS TANIA!

At Brodie and Hunter's cockroach filled flat Brodie is putting the moves on Bella. They make out after she tells him that she text all her friends including her Great-Aunt Ginny and told them to make their way to the IV and ask for bartender Brodie. She really has NO eyebrows!

Anyway, they stick it to each other "The best I have ever had!" she proclaims while dancing around half dressed in the kitchen. They would have sweaty sex.

It is charge nurse naming time! Tania is all smug and Nicole tells the team that she has dropped out of contention. But wait! In a shock twist it is not Tania who is the new charge nurse


but good old meanie VASA



"Hey guys, didya miss me"

and Maxwell is all like this



OH NO! Now Maxwell will have to deal with his Vasa-lust! Will he nail her up against the nurses station at 1am on a late night shift? Or will be keep sticking it to Sarah in the depths of hell



Only time will tell!