Welcome to the show yet another useless Cooper family member

Okay so a lot of stuff has been going on since we blogged last! Since I am meant to be marking 20 essays I really am going to have to do a quick recap here okay? Okay? Don't hate me. So these are some of the things that have been going down:

Brodie and Bella are going steady and want to move in together. Brodie threw an Oktoberfest party at the IV to get $$$ flowing in but instead he just got to dress up like an idiot and get Bella's bust out for the bar to see.

We finally got to meet good old useless Murray Cooper, who is a truly horrible character and I hate him. He is all gruff and mean and for some reason thinks that Bella could do better than Brodie. Which is patently untrue. The girl's a moron. Brodie and Bella are basically the perfect match. Anyway, at the Oktoberfest Brodie managed to put Murray in a headlock and now he is trying to make it up to the entire disgusting Cooper clan by making them dinner at their horrible industrial flat.

Meanwhile, Ula is in love with Daniel who is also moving into the Hunter/Bella/Brodie flat.

Maxwell has dumped both Sarah and Vasa and made Vasa cry big fat Vasa tears and I cheered. Sarah tried to go whore it back with TK but TK only wants to stick it to boring new doctor Jennifer and he slams the door in her crumpled face.

Isaac owes money on some yacht that he ruined when his yacht smashed into it during that storm and so he is picking up lots of shifts. Its a very boring storyline which I hope is going somewhere fast. Hopefully towards steamy sex scenes with Brooke on a broken yacht/Chris's double bed.

Murray, it turns out makes (or doesn't make as the case may be) his filthy lucre by both building houses ethically and by being some kind of hospitality king. Which I don't buy for one second given that he is the least hospitable and one of the most disagreeable characters I have ever seen on this show. Anyway, the plot line here is visible a mile off because as we predict, and as materialises, Murray is given Brodie's job at the tragic IV and Brodie is demoted to bar staff. But not before Brodie yells at Murray and tells him basically to fuck right off and let him stick it to Bella whenever and wherever they want. This storyline will SUCK. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET SOME SERIAL KILLERS OR SOMETHING? This shit pales in comparison to the whole Ferndale Strangler storyline which to me epitomises great Shortland Street storytelling and business smarts using the one storyline to kill off a whole bunch of past it characters in satisfying and gruesome ways.



OH NO TK!LOOK AT YOUR HAIR! ALSO, A CORPSE IN A DUMPSTER!

Remember how they had those alternative endings for the Joey killer finale? The one with Callum and Justine was the best! They killed Tania and boy was it delicious!



I don't know if you can be bothered watching a 13minute 2007 Shortland Street clip BUT if you do check out all of these funny hairdos! TK! Scotty! Yvonne looking like she's wearing a Beatle's scalp. Callum's weird orange face! Shanti speaking in her Indian accent! And if you do make it past 8mins you should absolutely check out the weird TK/Sarah scene where Sarah is acting like a blind woman for the entire scene. Its really really weird.

Anyway, the time of Shortland Street heydays is past and we are back to the fucking Coopers and their trivial non-serial killing dramas. Brodie drops pasta all over Wendy! Brodie wears lederhosen!



It's no Claire getting dumped in the bin, that's for sure.

Daniel wears this ridiculous jacket:



Ula tries to mack onto Daniel but ends up hiding in Brodie's bed half naked due to a hilarious series of errors. Murray and the whole damned Cooper tribe find her and think Brodie is a Ula-sexing criminal. That horrible Cooper boy-child is back sneering and chewing his way through the scenes.



Hunter shows up and acts like a dick showing up Brodie all over the place. Stupid Hunter and his stupid Hunter face. He really doesn't have a lot to do these days now that his character isn't banging old ladies,modelling and getting stuck with HIV infected needles so I guess he has to take what he can get.

What else? Oh Callum enjoys his role as kind of manager of the IV, telling Sophie what to do and hiring random angry dads.



The IV would be a TERRIBLE place to work, dealing with the incompetent management of Sophie and Callum sticking his crinkly face into all your business. Where is Rachel also? Another mysteriously absent cast member no doubt drinking themselves into a stupor to forget they have to soon return to these mind-numbing "storylines".

Anyway! We end this episode with Brodie looking bewildered, Murray looking pleased as punch and the viewer feeling simultaneously soporific and murderous.

So, in honour of much better characters and storylines I will leave you with these nostalgic offerings:

"Maia Mental Part 3"



and

"Paul Holmes on Shortland Street 2010" thoughtfully uploaded by "Mckennasawhore"



To be fair, "Paul Holmes on Shortland Street 2010" is a terrible clip. But maybe you are into really shitty plays and men in drag?

Also, a big shout out to ERIN who just today landed in London for her big new life! Don't forget about us Erin! Take the city by storm! Show them Shortland Street clips as introductions to "NZ life". Actually don't, I want you to succeed.