LAST TIME ON SHORTLAND ST:
Scotty was crazy, went home from work, Penny, takes it upon herself to look after him herself, a virus is loose in the hospital but Callum and Rachel are away on holiday or something. NEAT
Penny's outside with Scotty, he's all "I don't want to vomit in my car" so she gives him a plastic bag. And he vomits in that:
Which makes me wonder what Penny plans on doing with this plastic bag full of vomit. It's not the kind of thing you'd carry around. Probably I'd put it under someone else's car and hope for the best
Penny talks Scotty out of seeing a doctor BECAUSE SHE'S AN EVIL SUCCUBUS or some shit, playing with his mind, making him think he did things he didn't actually do. Because that's a plan that would totally work in real life. Anyway she's driving him home so she can poison him more or something. You can tell she's evil, because she has crazy eyes:
MEANWHILE inside the hospital evil suited guy is getting in a grump about the viral outbreak in the hospital or something. He's real bummed Callum's not around, but he seems like kind of a dick really.
Needless to say, he vomits, as a bald man watches on:
That's two vomits in about three minutes. You sure know how to keep the viewers hooked Shortland St!
Oh yeah also Wendy and Vasa are talking about more boring shit because all their scenes are together because the creators were all "oh yeah these characters are total dead weight, let's lump them in together" because pretty much the best way to use your screentime is to have the worst characters ever take up like 50% of every episode with their useless shrill bullshit
"I'M FUCKING HORRIBLE"
Meanwhile, some more unbearably boring garbage is going on with Penny trying to poison Scotty in some bullshit slapstick comedy way, telling this interminably bad story about how she tried to get drunk off ginger ale or something. Anyway she poisons Scotty's drink, but he spills it everywhere and she's NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT:
OH I'M SO ANGRY
Anyway she tries to make up for her pitifully shitty job of poisoning Scotty by making him TAKE TWICE THE RECOMMENDED DOSE OF SLEEPING PILLS. Oh no now he's going to fall into a mildly deep slumber
It's worth noting in this scene she's promised first a cup of tea, then a hot chocolate, but only made good on a poisoned glass of ginger ale. What a shitty caregiver.
Meanwhile, Wendy and Vasa are on the screen again, their expressions mirror those of everyone watching:
Wendy looks like the kind of person who suffered a depression once and is now all "know me before you judge me" but not like noble about it, real smug and horrible instead. I want to destroy her.
Oh yeah also suited guy isn't actually sick, he just ate some bad chicken.
There's some more shit going on in Scotty's house with this real edgy hand-held camerawork, while Penny creeps around trying to poison him. It's worth noting me and Scotty have the same cellphone. Pretty happy about that
Callum and Rachel are back, a few people are mildly grumpy AND LOOK WHO'S WASTING MY VALUABLE TIME AGAIN:
I HOPE YOU ARE BOTH KILLED
Meanwhile Chris is telling Callum about the media cottoning on to the red-hot viral infection outbreak in the hospital. Pretty sure sick people in hospital isn't a news story, but hey whatever. Meanwhile, Chris is all "the byline is, crisis averted." Which isn't what a byline is at all. Basically anytime something newspaper-related comes up I'm gonna get angry
Also Chris keeps talking about some babe named Jane. Sounds pretty smokin'
Also TVNZ on demand is running these horrible shopping ads with this awful jerk of a man who talks like Sam Hunt after suffering a brutal stroke. FUCK OFF
Anyway the show comes back in to my favourite duo WENDY AND FUCKING VASA with this immortal line: "Plus, I make my own jam!"
Whoever writes this god damned trainwreck should be killed, seriously. Fucking bullshit.
Meanwhile, Scotty's as snug as a bug in a rug:
so Penny's moved a gas heater like right in front of him, for delicious purposes probably
Maia and Sarah are all "SCOTTY'S TESTS ARE NOT CONSISTENT!" They are on to Penny's shitty poison plot, but probably this is gonna get dragged out for like ten weeks
Maia then makes a phone call:
oh yeah also Maia once FUCKING MURDERED A GUY but whatever
Also Penny's heater/blanket combo is having POTENTIALLY DEADLY repercussions for slumbering Scotty:
AND ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL SHOW ENDS
Thoughts: This show needs to kill off the following characters: Sarah TK Vasa Wendy Rachel Yvonne Maia Harry Phoenix probably most of them
Needs to bring back Libby, have her team up with Brooke to investigate ghosts and make the show about their ghoul agency. There will be one episode where Brooke touches "haunted water" and disappears for about ten minutes, then appears again in a later scene and nobody mentions anything ever happened
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