AUGUST 31: I HATE MYSELF

So Scotty got shot in the face or something while up kidnapped by Penny, he fell into a grave but he's probably alright

While lying in a muddy hole, it's revealed he has stunningly white teeth and pretty soon Tracey and Sarah are on the scene, running in a bizarrely ungainly manner:

What follows is the most awkward and badly choreographed fight scene since "Batman: The Dark Knight" erupted onto cinema screens in 2008. Penny escapes, and Sarah and Tracey return Scotty to the precious hospital

Penny then gets home to the flat real upset, and Hunter's all "is it work? is it Brody? why are you upset?" and probably it'd be bad form if she replied "oh I'm just real bummed because I was trying to kill this guy, then he told me my dad raped a girl, so i shot the guy but then there was a terrible fight scene"

Then the police come, so naturally Hunter does what anyone would do, and lets her escape out the window

Back at the hospital, it's revealed Scotty is on something called "prussian blue," which I'm pretty sure is the name of a white supremacist country act but whatever

Hunter's giving the cops some serious attitude. The main cop, who looks an awful lot like I'd imagine a crocodile to look if crocodiles were humans, doesn't take kindly to that:


Meanwhile, Sarah's comparing getting nearly shot to a good shift at the hospital, and decides it's time to have some "nearly just got shot sex" by sticking it to Maxwell.

Callum's comforting Hunter at home, but really this scene is pretty much filler


Scotty's got some kind of night terrors, and Tracey's having a pretty tough time because I mean Penny did bop him on the head and stuff


Sarah's having some serious comedown from her nearly-got-killed-zest for life and decides to spend the rest of the day lying on the couch making ridiculous faces with her bizarrely hairy gorilla arms:


Also Tracey's being a total bitch to Hunter for no reason in the hospital and seriously there's no need for that. I mean she got beat up by a serial killer and now he's dating a serial killer and I'm pretty sure they once dated and seriously what

Now Maxwell and Sarah are sitting on the couch discussing which supermodel Maxwell would be via a quiz in Maxwell's daughter's magazines or something. I guess this is meant to be a picture of domestic bliss, but seriously this scene seems like hell

Then Maxwell gets a call on his cellphone, which has this sweet light jazz ringtone

Crocodile cop is telling Tracey about how Scotty doesn't need protection fron Penny's wrath in the hospital because "most of the staff can recognise her". Because pretty much if a deranged murderer was after me you know I'd want like Yvonne to have my back some of the time, except for when she's on a break or something. Jesus. Anyway Tracey can't believe this, and naturally, tells the crocodile cop to "watch your back". Which is totally what you say to homicide detectives.

Sarah and her gorilla arms are taking a rest on the couch, so Maxwell scandalously defers to hang out with his slut wife at parent-teacher interviews or something. Don't know.

Brodie's reading up on the Penny case in the newspaper (because you know, he doesn't live with her and know exactly what's going already):

and I have some serious reservations about this paper. For a starter, the lead story has the headline "prices rise again", which would never be a front page lead, and if it was, it would have a way better head. Also, a serial killer is probably more important news. Also, headlines generally aren't written in capital letters. Also, no way the police would release as much information as there seems to be in that story. Also, that paper's probably going to Press Council for seriously jeopardising an ongoing police investigation BUT WHATEVER

I've been pretty not angry so far this episode but bad newspaper followed with fucking Wendy has ruined everything. I hate Wendy. She is dead weight on this show, she is a horrible wretched she-beast and I hope someone destroys her either emotionally or physically I don't mind

Penny returns to Hunter's flat in this real solid incognito disguise to ask for some money or something:


Also I've noticed this show uses the same over-the-shoulder shots for like every scene. Get some creativity, everyone involved in this awful programme!

Hunter may/may not give her money, still looks like a lesbian. Brooke wasn't in this episode once, which really bums me out, but Fleur Saville is on the cover of the TV Guide this week and it calls her "Libby" which can only be good news for New Zealand I think? I mean I have standards, I'm not gonna just pick up a TV Guide and read it, but it pretty much got me through my day