The TVNZ synopsis promises Isaac will "destroy his nemesis" this episode, which sounds way better than it inevitably will be
Straight away we're into some kind of terrible party scene, where that creepy bald doctor with glasses is talking some shit about French people or something, and really this screengrab captures basically everything wrong with the scene:
And I'd really like to know what kind of shitty party this is. It seems to be a shitty awkward gathering of Brooke, Hunter, Gerald and creepy doctor sitting around getting angry. It's like the actors were just chilling in a carpark or something, and the director was all "oh you guys, if you have free time let's have a party scene". Then Maia comes in, and it turns out it's her birthday party, and she promptly kicks everyone out. WOO LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL MAIA
Maia also says she's going to "put [her child] down". Hopefully in the same way you'd put a sick horse down.
More boring family shit with Maxwell, Vasa and Ula. I've noticed a lot of the "A-list" cast - including TK, Tania, Sophie - seem to be on annual leave or something, so they're clearly just filling in space with this trash
Turns out Ula has a pretty hot crush on Chris' country son Phoenix, a fact hamfistedly inserted to this scene via really terrible Sarah dialogue. Want to kill myself.
Nicole and Yvonne have more of an argument, Yvonne finishes up with the brutal smackdown "I'M GOING HOME. IT'S PAST MY BEDTIME." Trash: taken out.
Bald creepy doctor is trying to seduce Vasa over the operating table (an unconscious, opened up person is the ideal romantic location) via talking about Samoan tribal tattoos. Pretty broad stereotyping but OKAY
Anyway Ula is real enthralled with Phoenix's sweet tales of walking around on mud when this prick comes in and demands Phoenix come with him to the skatepark so they can "do stunts":
Jesus I hate that kid. He looks like every kid in fourth form maths who constantly made sex jokes, and it always seemed real weird, because like he clearly doesn't know any girls or something. Terrible vibes
Needless to say Phoenix goes off to "do stunts" leaving Ula real bummed and pulling a variety of sad faces by herself. She's got a crush on him, you know
Ula comes home real sadsack-like and Sarah dispenses some sweet romantic advice. Truly, this is the face of a woman who knows her way around a teenage seduction:
Glasses doctor is complaining about Isaac to Maxwell and Vasa, when Isaac comes in and insults bald doctor, bestowing great shame upon him:
So Ula takes Phoenix for a second go (seemingly the same day?) at that shitty cafe everyone's going to, this time for nachos and milkshakes. She orders a vanilla milkshake, he orders chocolate. What are you trying to do there, Shortland Street?
But don't worry, that awful scumbag kid shows up again with yet another enticing offer - this time he wants to "kick a ball around" with Phoenix. Jeez. Because seriously, how could you turn this face down?
Anyway that creep insists on chilling out with them and eating their nachos. Really hate that kid.
Ohman Nicole and Yvonne are still bitching at eachother. Pretty sure Shortland Street has two states: serial killer, and boring bullshit. There's no inbetween here. Even if TK were currently on the show, it wouldn't be any better. It'd be like 1000% hunkier, but 0% more interesting.
Bald creepy doctor doesn't want Isaac to do surgery. Oh.
Yvonne and Nicole have some boring shitty heart-to-heart about how they hate eachother, which results in Yvonne breaking down about how she's "jealous" of Nicole. Which implies to me she wants to embark on a taboo forbidden lesbian affair with her shrill, moon-faced daughter. Oh the agony.
I guess they don't hate eachother anymore? Storyline, SOLVED
Back at that other cafe, Ula decides to seal this shitty scene with a kiss:
BUT PHOENIX DON'T LIKE THAT KIND OF THING (he's from the farm):
Pretty sure a girl tried the same trick on me when I was like 13. It was pretty good.
Anyway Phoenix don't like it and he walks off, and that prick kid with the dreadful haircut obnoxiously laughs and says "wait til this gets out". Yeah it's gonna be huge I bet
Shortland Street is seriously the only show I know where what passes for a climactic cliffhanger scene is a board meeting between three characters, two of whom are pretty minor characters. Creepy doctor announces "EITHER I GO OR [Isaac] GOES." Pretty sure nobody would miss either of them.
Like, isn't a cliffhanger supposed to keep us hanging over the weekend to see if the situation gets resolved on Monday? Jesus, all we have to go on here is Ula's steamy love life and Dr Creepy's underwhelming ultimatum
Gonna be honest, not impressed, Shortland Street!
BUT NEXT WEEK LIBBY IS BACK.
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