SEPTEMBER 17: FREAKY FRIDAY (LINDSAY LOHAN APPLICABLE)

Oh hey it's Tobias and I'm not gonna lie to you, I've had a little to drink. Will that make Shortland St more bearable? Probably not.

Last time on Shortland St Chris made out with RACHEL

Ula's still in love with Phoenix for god knows what reason (no personality begets no personality?) and it's really bumming her out. YEAH LOVE HURTS you know?

Uh something about privatisation and stuff has ruined the hospital and lovable babe magnet Rachel is going around apologising to various bros. And handing out supermarket vouchers. $100 worth! TOPS

Anyway Chris and Phoenix are chilling in their house, and Maxwell pops around to pick up Phoenix and take him to Ula's lovable waiting arms. This reminds me of my friend's French teacher in high school who was constantly trying to set him up with her daughter and it was real awkward



HEY YOU WANNA STICK IT TO MY DAUGHTER/HAVE A REFRESHING CUP OF COFFEE (there is only one suitable answer and it's no)

Anyway in the hospital Harry's doing some real sweet ball tricks:



which is the best part of this scene but then we have to deal with some garbage about how Isaac wants Tania back, babe. Oh also Tania's back on the show, but I think she might not be working at the hospital anymore? Looks like they got rid of Vasa, so the show doesn't have to face the grim reality that TANIA AND VASA LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME

Anyway Isaac makes a date to meet Tania later, but the "sad music" plays which implies to me that this is a bad thing? Jesus Shortland St your characters do one thing, but your music does another and my heart hurts

Isaac and Harry are chatting away and it's pretty much like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito

Maxwell's just dropping Phoenix off at the house, and so seriously that must have been one awkward car ride, right?

Anyway there's some sweet hip hop playing, and Maxwell's being pretty embarassing about it, yabbering about being "DOWN" and "COOL" and other real hip words and everyone else pretty much looks on in disgust:



Libby's shadow has loomed large over this episode so far BUT WHERE IS SHE? Instead we have weird Libby surrogate Brooke who's I guess is almost as good:



Anyway things then get real steamy in the staff room as Chris is all getting into Rachel's personal space bubble and being all "BABE LET'S HOOK UP" and she's all "BABE I DON'T WANNA" and he's all "I HAVE A GHASTLY GRIMACE"



Oh yeah there's also some bullshit about a missing wedding ring, but you don't really need to know about that because it resolves itself within about a minute

Now Maxwell is continuing his musical attempts to get Phoenix to stick it to his daughter. They're all singing and shit and really this is a total disgrace to everything that's ever happened in the world ever

Oh yeah also things are getting hot and heavy in the staffroom again, this time with Isaac and Tania and really I'd like to know what's going on in this hospital because seriously no staffroom i have ever been in has been this smouldering/steamy but probably would have been a made lot better with some BABEZZ

oh brother, now Maxwell's like shrieking and dancing and shit and everyone's getting involved. Also he asks his daugher to "move it, baby" UGGGHHHHH

YES THIS IS SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED ON NEW ZEALAND TELEVISION:



I always wonder in moments like that, what if someone has just come to the golden land of New Zealand, they get in from their war torn hell land and turn on TV and see this. probably then they'd be all "right that's it, genocide's probably better" because seriously look at this. National shame

Oh man things just got a whole lot cooler, I mean TK's back and he's seeing Tania and Isaac making out and he's all "BRO WHAT UP???" and she's all "NM JUST CHILLIN" and I guess we're meant to remember they were sort of gonna stick it to eachother at some point? That was like, months ago, Shortland Street. Don't overestimate your audience's intelligence

I feel nothing but remorse