Monday and Tuesday: Too many Coopers not enough nookie

Last night I tried to blog about the Monday episode but stupid TVNZ on demand wouldn't work and so I was forced to do uni work until 2am instead. We made roast chicken last night and so the house smelt like Christmas and that was nice.

Since I couldn't watch it last night I am going to take my cues from the TVNZ synopsis: "Gerald is forced to go head to head with his competition, Bella sets her sights on Yvonne, and Brodie's heart is crushed". I am choosing to read this as "Gerald engages in a deatmatch with Libby, Bella molests Yvonne and Brodie's heart literally is crushed". Given the whole DISGUSTING Ben storyline we know that Yvonne is partial to cradle robbing (but not grave robbing) and her daughter Maia is gay. Now I am not saying that lesbianism is genetic here merely that she is open to "alternative" lifestyles. HOLD THE PRESS I have just managed to successfully upload last night's episode! But I can tell you, with A LOT of regret that this is NOT the route the Shortland Street team went down, to their detriment.

In short, Monday's episode consisted of:

Libby's return!



Good god. If I had been in America for god knows how long and I came back to this I would turn around and fly straight back.



Libby walks into a Brooke/Libby/Gerald love triangle. Brooke and Libby are fighting like adorable blonde scrappy kittens over Gerald's attention. He is some kind of asexual hag magnet. They want him to talk about workstations and shoulder pads.



Brooke does this



and this

Libby is back to steal the job Gerald is applying for "the executive assistant" position. SCANDAL! lots of bitchy comments and anger. Welcome back Libby!

And there is this shot




EWWW

Brodie wants to stick it HARD to Sophie. And how! But Sophie doesn't want to stick it to Brodie. This is his heart getting crushed I guess?



Who wouldn't have their heart crushed by this hottie? Also, the return of "advertisement" and suspiciously "Something about Mary" hair OH BRODIE!

If you have been missing the Cooper family don't worry (and please get help that is not normal) they are STILL there making gruesome faces and using their horrible voices



like mother like daughter



There are some HORRIFICALLY boring story lines with Bella and Yvonne which climax with Bella breaking a photocopier. GREAT STUFF WRITING TEAM.

Then this scene happens. The IV. Night. Interior. Maxwell, Luke Durville, Isaac party hard at the bar. Maximum lols due to repeated shots of this:



That is a stuffed dead possum hanging off his jacket. Something about a taxidermy club? I have no idea.



What?



Seriously, what?

And that was kind of all that happened on Monday night? Pretty weird and simultaneously boring. There was a Wendy/Bella scene on a park bench which went on for like 5 minutes. Also, I note there has been NO hot sex recently. I guess Shortland Street has bowed to the pressure of the "it's only 7pm! kids are up!" crowd. Screw that! The kids got here through sex and they aren't too precious to see Yvonne and Bella spooning.

Okay! So that was monday! I was going to do tonight too but I am kind of spent! Instead I will just show you the main points quickly so I can go watch "the secret lives of dancers".

Hunter tries to set up Bella and Brodie. Brodie texts like a bad person



Libby and Gerald go for their job interview results and SHOCK SHOCK neither of them get it! They both suck! Someone called Leo from Singapore got the job. SHAME GUYS

Meanwhile Bella and Brodie are "doing sumthn 2ny" together. Bella goes in to seduce Brodie with a big wet kiss and he does this



"ARGH! I HAVE A MIGRAINE!"

Over at the IV Libby reveals how she was fired from her old job in America because of visa problems "America dumped me!". Gerald is all "I am going to take your failed dream and live it! I am moving to America because I was born in Guam thus have no visa issues!"

Libby is all



"scheming"

Across the room Rachel and Chris flirt and its boring and gross. Stick it to her already Chris! Pin her up against a wall! Rachel! Run your hands all over his hairless (probably) chest! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

Now we are back at The Jefferies pad and Libby and Gerald arrive all giddy and happy. Libby sits on Geralds knee!

Like a ventriloquist puppet!




Anyway, guess what you guys! THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED AND MOVING TO AMERICA!

Mama Jeffries feels this way about it




Brooke is going to be SOOOOOO Mad! Also, Gerald, STOP BEING IN LOVELESS MARRIAGES! YOU ARE ASEXUAL AND THIS PROBABLY WON'T WORK. But most importantly, Brooke will be all jealous and shit!