Anyway, tonight's show opens with dipshit-turned-bar manager Brodie potentially wooing a bunch of slurring businessmen. Oh hang on, actually Sophie owns the bar now? Yeah it's definitely a worthwhile move entrusting a bar to a journalist seductress weirdo. Also, there's this weird British guy who's just chilling in the bar marking snarky comments to Brodie about the businessmen the whole time? What is this shit
Oh yeah Sarah's real bummed because Daniel (who is not on the show) has been bitten by a snake or something
Anyway Tania's put on a sumptuous feast to try and seduce surgical hunk TK Samuels but TK's too concerned about Sarah's non-existent snake-ridden son, and doesn't turn up. Without telling here, because he's real smooth
Sophie's at the hospital and Callum asks her if she wants a lift to the IV. I've always been under the impression the IV is over the road from the hospital, what kind of shitty favour is that? Yeah dad thanks for wasting my time and yours
Turns out Daniel's been bitten by a snake called "blue viper" which sounds like a gay biker-themed stripper to me, but whatever. This incredibly exciting storyline is acted out entirely by Sarah and TK acting real hard into cellphones in some shitty dingy room
Back at the bar (which is over the road from the hospital) I think we're meant to assume a lot of time has passed, and now the cabal of businessmen are well drunk. That strange lone British man in a suit is still lurking around the bar for whatever reason and let me tell you, he is not impressed:
We see him go upstairs, while Brodie goes and gives the businessmen some more alcohol. The businessmen thank him for upselling him a hotel room upstairs, because that's what normal people do and give him a $50 note. Never mind these businessmen all look like they're fresh from appearing in district court on minor offence charges:
Look at that greedy creep in the middle. Fuck.
Sappic wisdom source Nicole is bagging on Tania and TK's sudden, shitty, inexplicable romance, and now Tania's all bummed. We know this, because Shortland Street's "sad music" plays.
The next scene opens with a look of pure distain from that horse-faced bartender extra:
She's grumpy about those drunken businessmen injecting some serious cash into the IV's coffers and she's not alone - that fucking British suit guy is back in the bar too for a glass of delicious water. I mean it's not like he's staying in a hotel room upstairs, where they have taps or anything. Jesus.
British guy is all "I thought you were closing" and Brodie's like "oh yeah I was" and British is all "MAKE YOUR DECISION". Jesus you British creep, no one asked for your opinion. Anyway, Brodie supplies the businessmen with three bottles of wine (BUT HE'S NOT A LICENSED WHOLESALER) and sends the delightful drunks out onto the streets. But of course, that British loser has something snarky to add.
But at least we get some sweet Brooke action in the next scene, as she advises Tania that TK's heart belongs to supple, supple Sarah, a fact she is clearly very proud of:
Ohman and now Sophie and Bella are best friends inexplicably and that fucking British suit guy is Bella's boss? And he's all "make me some spreadsheets" and she's freaking out because you know, she came on the show like last week or something and doesn't know how to to shit
She needs eyebrows, but more importantly check out Sophie's sweet top in the background
Anyway it seems this British guy (his name is Leo, it conspires) has inspired a chilling vendetta in Sophie, who decides it's totally her place to take that sucker down
Those businessmen make their chilling return, this time in stretchers at the hospital. Remember don't drink!
Sophie has mixed feelings about Brodie's management skills:
If British guy hates the IV bar so much why is he always there? Then Sophie does this real weird bit where she does some strange girlish giggle, then stony seriousness in the space of about two seconds. Why?
Actually the one where she's laughing looks more like she's grimacing in pain but you know, she is on Shortland Street.
Sophie goes snooping on Bella's behalf and finds Leo's real into Sudoku. But only easy level, because he's a fucking dipshit. Also, there have been like three Sophie scenes in a row at this point, and since when did she become such a heavy hitter?
Meanwhile TK and Tania's bumbling romance continues as she tells him their dinner date won't be anticlimactic - instead, it will be "extremely climactic" LOL DOUBLE SEQUITUR
British guy is all appalled at the businessmen's presence in the hospital, and sees his chance - he pounces at Callum, telling him his 18-year-old daughter who owns a bar is somewhat irresponsible GUUHHHHH
Anyway Callum goes and gets in a grump at Sophie and stuff. Wish I could go around yelling at barely legal bar managers.
Tania and TK's hot dinner date is going well. She's all "that was delicious" and he's like "wait till you see what I've got for you next.." and then lowers his voice real husky and is like "DESSERT" and I guess it's meant to make the ladies swoon, but it's actually incredibly threatening and creepy
Thankfully, dessert never happens, courtesy of an appopriately-timed phone call from Sarah, who looms large even though she's in Indonesia looking after her failed son and his "blue viper" woes.
And Tania's just thrilled about the phonecall for whatever reason
But not so thrilled, because she promptly dumps TK as soon as he's off the phone. No dessert!
TK looks predictably smouldering, hungry for dessert all the same.
Anyway the episode ends here and now I'm just gonna copy and paste some wisdom, courtesy of the actor who plays Sophie's Twitter:
Ballet with my mummy!
Feeling inspired.. Reading a mag with bikinis in it... Does this mean I can get excited for Summer .. Too late I am.. Bikini shopping!!
Sooooooooo full ... Indian takeaways for dinner! Yum .. Need Green tea please!!
OH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THIS
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