SEPTEMBER 10: MY WINTER OF DISCONTENT

Oh hi it's Tobias, I haven't watched Shortland Street at all this week, but you know. Gonna take on the Friday episode regardless, probably I haven't missed a whole lot

From Kim Crossman (Sophie)'s Twitter: Oh man, how amazing are Chips and Dip!! 7:24 PM Sep 6th via mobile web

Yeah don't I know it.

So the recap is totally about Wendy's fucking boy-crazy daughter, who is annoying me already. Great.

There's some serious sexual tension between Isaac and some guy at the bar, who's all "sometimes I think I should have a night off? NAH."

Turns out that guy is boning Sophie or something? What's going on? This groping then happens:



Brody's not happy about it. I'm gonna guess he wants to stick it to Sophie.

Then Brooke walks in on Gerald and announces "I NEED A HANDBAG." It's pretty weird. Then she talks about privatised healthcare for like twenty minutes. I mean Brooke's pretty great and all



but I've gotta say, I liked her heaps more when she was like a sociopath and cared about murder and blackmailing her father and stuff

"Greasy pole," she inexplicably advises. "Get climbing"



WOO

Anyway that weird bartender serves Isaac up something called "diddly nightshade" and is brutally hitting on those lesbians. Not really into that guy a whole lot. Neither is Brody, who promptly fires him. Sophie then gets a bit grumpy about that, and Brody stares at her for an uncomfortably long time:



I'm serious, it lingers on that for about five seconds or so. Real unnerving vibes.

Anyway Wendy's daughter Bella comes in wearing what looks like the skin of a gorilla and annoys everyone with her incompetence ho ho ho

Gerald, I guess, is trying to get a better job?

For some godforsaken reason Sophie and Brody seem to be running the bar? Oh seriously what on earth is this. They're planning to host some kind of taxidermy club for creepy bald doctor. INTERESTING

Anyway Brooke has another scene



and I don't know why she looks like 50



I learnt she's about as old as I am. She's famous and stuff, while I'm bitching about a soap opera I don't watch on the internet. Pretty bad.

she does mention Libby though, which got my heart aflutter

It's like the writers of Shortland St read this blog and were all "oh hey I hate Tobias, let's effectively double the level of fucking Wendy in this show by giving her a daughter". Hopefully this whole thing will turn out to be some kind of feverish nightmare or something

So anyway, at this point in the show 18-year-old Sophie's been a journalist, some kind of ethics specialist, a bar manager, seductress, and now she's a cocktail maker? RENAISSANCE WOMAN:



Then god damned other Wendy busts in with some flower or some shit



and I seriously hate her she has crazy eyes



Then Yvonne breaks other Wendy's stupid annoying heart by insulting that flower in front of her GUHHHH

I guess Brody and Sophie are gonna stick it soon enough, they're getting drunk off homemade cocktails or something. It's pretty annoying. People trying to act drunk is basically the most sickening thing in the world

Meanwhile Callum, who may I remind you is the CEO OF THE HOSPITAL is really angry at Gerald for wanting to move up the job ladder. Good heavens

Sophie and Brody are real hammered, and Sophie undresses so she can go to bed. Which is weird, because it's revealed she has been wearing what is either a leotard or a one-piece swimsuit under her dress the entire time:



Which makes Brody pretty uncomfortable. Because he wants to stick it to her.

Gerald somehow got some kind of fucking automatic desk that goes up and down. Oh seriously Shortland Street, what the hell is this?

AND OH MAN THINGS TAKE A TURN FOR THE INCREDIBLE AT THE END when ALL STAR SHORTLAND ST MEGA BABE LIBBY APPEARS ON THE SCENE



LIFE FINALLY TAKES A TURN FOR THE BETTER

UH OH SHE'S GOING FOR GERALD'S JOB

OH LIBBY YOU ARE EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT OF MY HEART <3 U FOREVER BABE